Im not like other girls

1. I wear uggs because they warm and comfortable, not because they're really expensive and everyone has them.
2. I'm a vegetarian because I hate the taste of meat, not because I want to lose weight or because I feel guilty for eating a hamburger.
3. I don't like talking about feelings because theyre my feelings and I feel like I'm the only one who should know what I feel about stuff.
4. Unlike a lot of girls, I won't hug someone I just saw 30 seconds ago, say I love them and miss them every time I see them (I get so pissed off at this.).
5. I wear makeup to feel confident not because "it makes me look tan" or "ew, I have 1 zit, I think I'll use this whole bottle of foundation."

to be continued...
(when I'm less tired)

Pride.

I don't want help.
I don't need help.
I just want to do everything on my own, with no help from anyone or anything.
Pride.
One of the seven deadly sins, I think?
My friend and I were talking about how we wish we could goof off and not do work, like so many kids we know, and not care about what people think.
I realize this is me now, because of my pride.
I refuse help, even if Im getting an F in a class.
I am so freakimg stubborn, if someone tells me to do something, I will not do it because they expect me to, because they want me to. I hate doing what people tell me to do, like work, like eating.
Most of the time I wont eat because people tell me to. But I love when people tell me to eat because it makes me feel loved, cared about.
Im very stubborn and so full of pride.
I cant help it... I cant control it, cant stop it, cant change it... And that's what scares me.

Just done

I am just done at this point. So fucking done. I don't give a flying shit about anything any more. I'm tired of everything, and nothing makes me happy.
I'm ignored at school; I have no friends. I'm tired of being expected to do everything so amazing and good. I'm tired of being tall. I want to be short, so very short. I don't fucking care if I'm going to love being tall when I'm an adult. Right now, it practically fucking ruins my life. All everyone says to me now is:
"Why are you so tall?"
"Do you play basketball?"
"You should be a model!"
How can I amount to anything if I'm daily going to be judged by my height? I want to be a dancer: dancers are short. I hate basketball: only career for tall people besides modeling. Modeling: I dont want to be judged on the little bit of stomach I have, and be bullied into not eating.
Speaking of not eating: you don't know how fucking insecure I am. That's why I wear make-up, and still, I feel ugly. I'll never, ever believe anyone who says I'm beautiful. I'll say thank you and blush, but really, I don't believr you. Especially when one person is calling two girls next to me beautiful, and then that person turns to me and says, "you're beautiful, too."
Well, thanks. Self confidence is just through the roof at this point.
One of my so called friends constantly puts me down, tells me I'm an idiot. Calls me stupid. Doesn't even fucking like me, or care that I'm always alone.
I grew up alone. I grew up feeling stupid. I grew up having no one who truly understood how I felt- feel. I'm growing up alone. I don't have an older sister to tell me secrets, to help me with boys and clothes. My own brother ignores me, we only talk if I answer the phone when he's calling, which doesn't happen very often. You don't know how many times I've cried alone, waiting for someone to hold me. Some people will say that they don't want to be the person who doesn't like being alone, they don't want to be the person who constantly needs someone there. Well I'm that person, whether anyone cares or not, which they don't.
If someone does hold me while I'm crying, it's always awkward for both of us. No one knows how I feel, therefore they shouldnt be hugging me.
The only time I've felt truly understood, was when my grandmother died. My boyfriend was right there, hugging me tightly, and I knew he had felt the exact same thing I was feeling, so it worked, he made me feel better. He's the only one I've ever talked to who hates two faced people, and knows people who are like that, and we make fun of behind their back. He makes me feel better, knowing I have someone who cares so deeply for me, and loves me for who I am, not who I should be.
But... I'm just done with people telling me who I should be. If I know I'm not good in geometry, why make me take it? If I fail this year, and im a pretty smart kid, that means geometry isnt my thing. My school goes so fast, there's no time for extra explaining. Everything comes back to my fucking stupid school.
My phone is fucking stupid. Almost everytime I try to make a space, it does . instead. I hate my freaking phone that I have to pay for. I hate parts of my life I know I can never change.
There are people out there who are less fortunate than I, and I don't seem to care.
It's times like these,
There are those theives
Which take away good feelings.
They steal my happiness
Give me pain
And drown me in puckets of sorrow.

Im really tired...

Just realized

If Avery hadnt done that little thing, we'd still be together.
Why hadn't I seen that she's been a bitch all along?