Hey... how have you been?

I haven't been on this in awhile.
In all I have about 335 pageviews.
I feel special.

I've Decided.

My father is working a high stress job and constantly gets upset and drinks and freaks out when our computer stops working when he's trying to do something important.
He's told me more than once that I should get a job based on how much money I earn, rather than what I love to do.
Today is the day I vow to get a job and prosper in something I love to do.
Dad, I may look like you and act like you, but in no way will I ever grow up and make the same choices you have.
I'm sorry but I just can't do that.
My heart won't allow it.

Finally...

I found a drawing style that I like that doesn't require much thinking.

All I basically do is this:

Drag my pen across the page, scribbling a little, then continuing to draw off of that.
Make faces, animals, makes a few circles, and VOILA! awesome drawing.

Not many people seem to like this type of drawing that I'm doing,
like... not be like "WOW! THAT'S AMAZING!" like usual.
A lot of people have been saying, "oh, it looks like amoebas!"
cuz, well, it does. lol

I sort of feel... like an artist now...
Cuz not a lot of people seem to appreciate my art.
Is that weird?

My life

Next week: Finals

This week: 2 essays due. 1 have finished, other, not so much.

Next week: classes will be changing. I won't be with a lot of my friends

This week: I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

Next week: I hate you, and you, and you.

This week: I hate life.

Next week: I hate you, and you, and you.

This week: Studying. Try to be happy.

Next week: Try to study. Try to be happy.

This week: Stress. Stress. Stress.

Next week: Stress. Stress. Stress.

Essay Writing

PROCRASTINATION IS NOT GOOD.

Especially when you have 2 essays due tomorrow...

How to write a novel

"That is a NOVEL idea, old chap!" <-- sorry, I had to do it.

1. Set up a schedule for yourself.
Don't just write whenever you feel like it. Novels NEVER get done that way. You have to say to yourself, "OK, I'll write 4,000 words over the weekend, and during the week I'll try to write 3,000." Or like a lot of people do: set up a NANOWRIMO for yourself. NANOWRIMO is NationalNovelWritingMonth, but I never actually write during that time because I'm in school and I'm always so busy. So, I set up a fake NANOWRIMO during some other month and try to write during that. NANO basically means you write a novel during the whole month of November. A novel is about 50,000 words, so (roughly) you write 1,612 words a day... which isn't to bad for some people. I always get ahead of myself on the weekends ;)

2. Don't get stressed!
Sometimes I get WAY too stressed, and then I end up just scrapping the whole idea of my story. I feel like everyone is pressuring me to write my novel, and that's why I never get it done.
SO. I've developed a plan.
I have an overactive imagination, so sometimes as I'm falling asleep I'll get my story's plot into my head, and fall asleep to new ideas. This makes my story go WAY out of line, so when I get down to writing again, my mental storybook is way ahead of the physical one.
Also, when I tell people about my story, they want to read it. and when they read it, they offer pointers and such... which I HATE when the book isn't done and they offer advice. It pushes my buttons hahaha.


WILL UPDATE LATER...

Inspirational

Click here for Inspiring Quotes.

In my agenda at school, every week I write a quote on the left side of the paper (since I only use the right side). I started to do this the very first week of school, and I haven't stopped since. Above is a link where you can see inspiring quotes. At the bottom of the page are more quotes, but instead of inspiring there are quotes such as, meaningful, famous, quotes about angels, etc. 

Having quotes in my agenda has uplifted my spirits in a way, if that makes sense. If I have a quote in there, I smile when I read it, get inspired myself, or just feel better that day when I already feel like crap.

One of my favorites:

"Fiction gives us a second chance that life denies us." - Paul Theroux

So if you're in need of uplifting, or you just want a different quote every week, visit the link above. Write the quotes in any place that you'll see them.

Have fun. :)

How NOT to write an essay for Highschool/Middleschool

1. Do not begin anything with "Did you know...?"
- This causes you to look very stupid.
- Also, in middle school, a lot of kids do this. This annoys all teachers.

2. Do not end anything with, "In conclusion..." or "As you can see..."
- This also annoys the teachers, because all the students do this.

3. Do not expect your essay to be great the first time.
- Have teachers (specifically english teachers) read over your draft.
- Even have some of your friends read it over (though they might try and steal your ideas)
- Get the English teacher who grades the toughest (ex. marks up the essay like crazy, etc.) to read it over. This helps A LOT.

4. Do not expect the teacher to give you special treatment if your grandparent dies, or your printer wasn't working.
- My grandmother died and I was really upset about it, and just couldn't get into the mood to do my essay. The teacher didn't care and took off points anyway. LESSON LEARNED.

5. Do not think that just by clicking "spell check" in Word, it'll correct every grammar mistake.
- Then vs. Than sometimes trips up Word, as well as myself. Have someone read it over. It'll save you points.
- They're vs. Their vs. There - You might think it's right, Word might think it's wrong... just have someone read it over.

6. DO NOT PLAGIARIZE.
- This is a big no-no. You can even get kicked out of school for plagiarizing! (It WILL go on your permanent record.)
- MAKE SURE you cite your sources. If you don't, you'll get a zero for plagiarizing... even if you didn't.

7. DO NOT ASSUME.
- If you assume something in your essay, this could cause your essay to become completely wrong.
- Remember: Assuming makes an 'ass' out of you and me. :)


Hope this helped... certainly helped me to get a refresher on what not to do with an essay! :D

YAY WORK. -_-

Alright. This is for my own personal use, so I don't forget anything I need to do in the next few weeks or whatever...

History:
1/10 Unit 6 Test
1/18 Unit 6 Essay Due
1/29 Unit 7 Test
1/20 - 1/23 Finals Review
1/24 - 1/25 Finals
1/26 Final Semester

Jeez. I have a busy week ahead of me. -.-

TIME FOR MONSTER ENERGY DRINK.

XD

HEYYY

OMG I UPDATED IT.

Im not like other girls

1. I wear uggs because they warm and comfortable, not because they're really expensive and everyone has them.
2. I'm a vegetarian because I hate the taste of meat, not because I want to lose weight or because I feel guilty for eating a hamburger.
3. I don't like talking about feelings because theyre my feelings and I feel like I'm the only one who should know what I feel about stuff.
4. Unlike a lot of girls, I won't hug someone I just saw 30 seconds ago, say I love them and miss them every time I see them (I get so pissed off at this.).
5. I wear makeup to feel confident not because "it makes me look tan" or "ew, I have 1 zit, I think I'll use this whole bottle of foundation."

to be continued...
(when I'm less tired)

Pride.

I don't want help.
I don't need help.
I just want to do everything on my own, with no help from anyone or anything.
Pride.
One of the seven deadly sins, I think?
My friend and I were talking about how we wish we could goof off and not do work, like so many kids we know, and not care about what people think.
I realize this is me now, because of my pride.
I refuse help, even if Im getting an F in a class.
I am so freakimg stubborn, if someone tells me to do something, I will not do it because they expect me to, because they want me to. I hate doing what people tell me to do, like work, like eating.
Most of the time I wont eat because people tell me to. But I love when people tell me to eat because it makes me feel loved, cared about.
Im very stubborn and so full of pride.
I cant help it... I cant control it, cant stop it, cant change it... And that's what scares me.

Just done

I am just done at this point. So fucking done. I don't give a flying shit about anything any more. I'm tired of everything, and nothing makes me happy.
I'm ignored at school; I have no friends. I'm tired of being expected to do everything so amazing and good. I'm tired of being tall. I want to be short, so very short. I don't fucking care if I'm going to love being tall when I'm an adult. Right now, it practically fucking ruins my life. All everyone says to me now is:
"Why are you so tall?"
"Do you play basketball?"
"You should be a model!"
How can I amount to anything if I'm daily going to be judged by my height? I want to be a dancer: dancers are short. I hate basketball: only career for tall people besides modeling. Modeling: I dont want to be judged on the little bit of stomach I have, and be bullied into not eating.
Speaking of not eating: you don't know how fucking insecure I am. That's why I wear make-up, and still, I feel ugly. I'll never, ever believe anyone who says I'm beautiful. I'll say thank you and blush, but really, I don't believr you. Especially when one person is calling two girls next to me beautiful, and then that person turns to me and says, "you're beautiful, too."
Well, thanks. Self confidence is just through the roof at this point.
One of my so called friends constantly puts me down, tells me I'm an idiot. Calls me stupid. Doesn't even fucking like me, or care that I'm always alone.
I grew up alone. I grew up feeling stupid. I grew up having no one who truly understood how I felt- feel. I'm growing up alone. I don't have an older sister to tell me secrets, to help me with boys and clothes. My own brother ignores me, we only talk if I answer the phone when he's calling, which doesn't happen very often. You don't know how many times I've cried alone, waiting for someone to hold me. Some people will say that they don't want to be the person who doesn't like being alone, they don't want to be the person who constantly needs someone there. Well I'm that person, whether anyone cares or not, which they don't.
If someone does hold me while I'm crying, it's always awkward for both of us. No one knows how I feel, therefore they shouldnt be hugging me.
The only time I've felt truly understood, was when my grandmother died. My boyfriend was right there, hugging me tightly, and I knew he had felt the exact same thing I was feeling, so it worked, he made me feel better. He's the only one I've ever talked to who hates two faced people, and knows people who are like that, and we make fun of behind their back. He makes me feel better, knowing I have someone who cares so deeply for me, and loves me for who I am, not who I should be.
But... I'm just done with people telling me who I should be. If I know I'm not good in geometry, why make me take it? If I fail this year, and im a pretty smart kid, that means geometry isnt my thing. My school goes so fast, there's no time for extra explaining. Everything comes back to my fucking stupid school.
My phone is fucking stupid. Almost everytime I try to make a space, it does . instead. I hate my freaking phone that I have to pay for. I hate parts of my life I know I can never change.
There are people out there who are less fortunate than I, and I don't seem to care.
It's times like these,
There are those theives
Which take away good feelings.
They steal my happiness
Give me pain
And drown me in puckets of sorrow.

Im really tired...

Just realized

If Avery hadnt done that little thing, we'd still be together.
Why hadn't I seen that she's been a bitch all along?

Im with you-Avril Lavigne

I'm standin' on the bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I'm tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Hmm hmm hmm

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Yea yea

Oh, why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea eee yeah, yea eee yeah
Yea yee yea, yea eee yeah,yeah

It's a damn cold night
Tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, oh
I'm with you
I'm with you


This song describes exactly how im feeling right now



(edit: there were repeated words... whatever site i took it from was crap. So i fixed it!! :D)

10/22/11

The guy I like asked me out...
:)

It just melted again...

U told me to call you
U said im the best
U let me listen to ur problems
My heart just...
Keeps...
Melting...
<3

Heartbreaking

My crush likes my best friend.
Im... Pretty much in love with my crush.
She doesn't like him...
He doesn't get it.
I text him about anything to get us talking.
I told him to look up the definition of a word, and he connected it back to my best friend.
He breaks my heart every time he mentions her,
But every time I see his name, my heart melts,
Everytime he play fully says "i love you" and even little things like "thanks for being there," stitch my heart back up again.
I dont care if you tell me tomorrow that he never even cared about me.
Just let me have this moment... Just this moment...
Of continuas heartbreak.

Procrastinating, and other things that bother me

I procrastinate.
I procrastinate to a point where I am procrastinating unhealthily. I procrastinate eating, brushing my teeth, sleeping, I procrastinate on so many things.
I wish I could just not procrastinate, but I can't help it.
I wait until the last minute to do homework, to finish projects, to do everything.
I wish I could be homeschooled, because it would just be so much easier for me, and the fact that my school goes way faster than other schools (we have 90 min. classes everyday) I am just so overwhelmed. I wish I could be homeschooled, but I can't. If I was, I could be away from the kids that annoy me and the kids who aren't my friends, but think they are.
I just want to be out of that school. I hate it so much and its causing me so much stress, and I just get so frustrated.
I hate the teachers because they side with my friend who isnt my friend, the only one that doesnt side with her is the teacher who hasnt met her yet. When he meets her he's not gonna think im his favorite student. Or atleast I think I am. I just dont like school. I really really dont.
You know how there are people who have babies because they dont know what else to do with their life? There's nothing better to do so they have kids? Well Im like that in a way where I dont have anything better to do, so chances are in like 6 years im probably going to have a baby. That's my prediction. Just sayin'.

And I've realized no one reads my blog.
I dont really care.
I think it would be better if no one ever did.

Christmas List 2011

(Because I feel like it)
1. Those big ear phone things... Whatever they're called. In blue.
2. Bass guitar strap. Preferably blue.
3. CDs. to be announced.
4.  Grey boots w/blue zipper
5. Tablet-Motorola Xoom
6. Leonardo da Vinci book

I'll add more things when I think of them :3